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I had a dream. Browsing a website for something spiritual or religious (presumably), I noticed one of the tabs was labeled “admitted” (sic), and I knew it meant “people admitted their experiences were real, come read them”. I also knew I had to write about it. I had that feeling within the dream that said “this is important”.

This concept came up in Paganism In Depth: A Polytheist Approach, to which I am currently listening. The recommendation is to experience the experience, and then interpret it later. One must show discernment, of course, and if you find a “rational” explanation you’re happy with, very well, but this isn’t always possible, and for that category, that’s where “admitting” comes in. You have to face that what you saw is what you saw even if you don’t know what it means. (I touch on this sometimes when I think or talk about UFOs: If an object is unidentified, then you can’t well say “I know what I saw,” can you? Except in the broadest possible sense of “I know that I saw it and I can’t explain it”, which is where I slot my own personal experience.)

Paganism in Depth is written by a guy who, among other things, saw a glowing green bird. How the bird got to be glowing, no one seems to know. But he touches briefly and periodically where relevant on the process of accepting the reality of the experience, and dealing with people who try to, helpfully or not, provide rational explanations. Once each is processed and compared with the experience in question, and if you happen to work through all of them, that’s where admitting comes in.

And you have to deal with that.

You saw a thing, or heard a thing, or felt a thing, and you can’t explain it. You have to then figure out what it means, and what you’re supposed to do with it. Do you package it away and eventually forget about it? Does it change your life in some way? Do you regard it as a sign from deity?

I had a dream this morning. On a website for something religious or spiritual, there was a tab called “admitted”. I had to write this post because of it. This is an important concept even if it seems “basic” or “101-level”. Because having an experience you can’t explain and coming to terms with that tells you that the world is bigger than all of that, and somehow it seems like that’s easy for me to accept and way harder for other people. I always felt like the world is “supposed” to be bigger than what other people told me (probably in part because I knew somewhere that my parents were liars and therefore not people to listen to with regard to “the world is like this”). It seems to have come naturally to me. Maybe it was meant to, all things considered. I’m not sure.

I learned this one through my critique partner: Just because it makes sense to me in my head doesn’t mean it always translates.

In my new home are two somewhat awkwardly placed cabinets, whose doors open from the inside out toward you. I’ve made them into shrines for my gods. Andred prefers, by and large, Her doors to be left open so that Her essence may seep in and act as a protective force and sort of like a home deity (though I recognize well enough She is much more than that). My mother closes the doors. She did it once when I was away, and then another time I watched her do it right in front of my face, like it was nothing.

While Andred respects that I don’t want this to happen, it points to my mother’s disrespect for sacred spaces from religions that aren’t hers. Which is to say, if it isn’t some flavor of Christian, she doesn’t agree with it. She treats it like it’s a quaint little thing that I’ve done that I might one day grow out of with the right “guidance”, or I might just…come to realize one day that I should be on the Path of Christ…or something. This isn’t the first time or way she’s mocked my practice. She mocks spells, Yule (doesn’t seem to know the other holidays exist), and so many other things, yet has made it abundantly clear to me that she still holds to Christian stances on so many things (such as homosexuality, “a sin”).

Andred seems Endlessly Patient now, but I wouldn’t be shocked to hear one day that my family’s couple acres or so is absolutely covered in rabbits. In fact, I’d laugh my ass off.