At the Beginning of an Election Year

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It’s 2020. Trump is up for re-election. I can feel the mass panic coming from here, and so I’ve elected to stay off Tumblr. And most of Twitter. And a host of other things because I’m not interested in wild speculation about how bad it’s going to be (and I wasn’t interested in 2016, either, though they almost had me).

Let me be clear: I think his impeachment is a good thing. It demonstrates, as it always has, that no one is above the law. This is an important principle to remind us of (in ancient Egypt, it was the Pharaoh’s job to facilitate and be in line with Ma’at, the principle and goddess of universal order and justice. The Divine Right of Kings and the Mandate of Heaven both meant that if the land failed in some way, it was the king’s fault, and in the Western world that’s where we get the Fisher King idea).

But at the same time, I have a lot of thoughts, many of them angry.

I Don’t Take Complaints

This is the big one: if you tell me there’s something wrong in society, and you leave it at that, not only will I not believe you (because you failed to supply evidence, and in turn demanded evidence of me when I contradicted you), I will think you’re just here to whine and make other people do the work for you. And that negatively impacts my opinion of you and your cause. And something tells me that’s the last thing you want.

So, if you tell me there’s something wrong, you better have an idea how to fix it. It doesn’t have to be a perfect idea or even a fully baked one, but something. And yelling “Just DO SOMETHING!” into the void until something is done will only result in a hastily-cobbled-together solution that reveals that the policy maker in question did not, and cannot, read your mind.

But, if you get in touch with your congressperson (and you definitely should about something you care about), the easiest thing to do, because you will likely be talking to one of their very busy aides, is provide a draft bill. Not many people know this, which is kind of shocking, but there are resources on how to write one. In a short search, I found this and several others: https://hsldaaction.org/GenJ/docs/default-source/public/iGovern/how-to-write-a-bill, including a properly formatted word document, edit as needed: https://1.cdn.edl.io/tnpC1wYRTtphjY7OsApg8YMnJ60bfbFouGibAfYsgzjpqWvh.doc . Make good use of these; and whatever else you may find googling things like “bill draft guide” and “sample bill congress”. When you give them something to work with, they can build on it. Everyone wins (ideally).

Maybe You Hate Society

Not my problem. This is what we have and this is what we have to work with. It isn’t ideal, but this is what we’re opening with. Don’t trust politicians? Protest (I disagree with rioting and think you shouldn’t expect people to like you when you impede their morning commute, but you do you, boo). Maybe you think someone else should be in office instead. Vote for that person, when the time comes. People forget that there are options.

My Work Is Not Your Work

This is something more subtle I’ve been noticing, but one should not expect another person to join them in all the marches, all the rallies, all the protests, all the everything, and then call that person an asshole when they refuse (often for medical or expense-related reasons, because We Live In A Society and the cost of shit is too damn high, but also for spoons-related reasons). I often refuse because of compassion fatigue. I’m used to a huge pile of things people expect me to do and support and care about. I had to care that Dad was a drunkard, and what Mom expected of me, and whether or not Dad made “enough money”. Later I had to be glad that he was getting sober (he isn’t technically but let’s table that one). Then I get to college and I have to care about all the social issues, and the orange man who is bad. I’ve got little opinion on the man, because I’m poor and it all looks the same from this vantage point.

When I moved out, I never got a television. I don’t subscribe to news streaming services. I don’t even read the news app that came with my phone. Every so often I’ll read a news story of interest to me (lately a local matter of a man who got pulled over, cited for brand inspection violations, and is now trying to argue the law under which he was cited is unconstitutional–this one I find completely hilarious, and it reminds me of a case way back when a sheriff misappropriated funds and went to Las Vegas, I think). I generally get my news from gossip from the customers. That was how I learned of the impeachment, and the Roosevelt Fire, and that Baby Yoda trended more in the last weeks of 2019 than any Democratic presidential candidate (#babyyoda2020). Of course, that was how I KNEW there were Democratic candidates in the first place. Trump would obviously run for a second term; that’s what Presidents usually do.

But, the lack of news has greatly benefitted my overall mental health, and I can be correct in attributing at least some of my alleviating depression to not watching news period (not “cable news”, not “alternative news”, just skipping news altogether most days).

I’m saying all this to say that, in all likelihood, politics isn’t my business. It never has been. I was called specifically to tell Andred’s story and the story of my continued contact with her and what I’m learning along the way. This is my way of giving back to the universe for Paul Huson. And I have learned, from the works of men and women wiser than I and more observant than I, that the problems people sense are a lot more than merely political. Fight political battles, but this is not the one thing that everyone should do and once the right policies are enacted all will be well. If you believe that you don’t believe in an interconnected world, or you do and…you aren’t paying attention.

But Seriously–Don’t Overwork Yourselves

Sometimes the best thing you can do for your cause is get some sleep. I manage the living daylights out of my sleep schedule, because I need to if I’m going to be in any way competent at my job or my calling. I’ve read in at least two places that if you expect to be of any use, take care of yourself. Look after your medical, mental health, physical, and other needs.

I see a therapist twice a month, and I pray every morning without fail (except for that one time I was really late to work). I also make sure I have plenty of time before work to wake up slowly (and, this time of year, defrost my car). Another thing was recently asked of me, and so I found a place for it. I can do this because I take great care not to give my life to my job (no matter how much overtime that brings in).

These are just examples. You may structure your life differently based on what you prioritize (and what your environment dictates; a lot of people live in cities and the term “rush hour” is a misnomer to put it lightly). But there’s a pressure, I’m not sure the origin of it, which goes something like “I need to rally/work magic/be at the office CONSTANTLY or my life isn’t worth living”. First of all, incorrect. Burn out does not make you effective at any of your pursuits. Like I said, get some sleep–at least eight hours but you may go up to ten or twelve or more if it’s really bad. Spend time with yourself, and with the Gods if you acknowledge them (or God, singular, if you lean that way). Seek help if you need it (too many people don’t do this, but there is a “worried well” contingent of any therapist’s office, people who want to maximize their efficacy and things like that; if you’re in a bad situation you’ll likely get a reduced rate or no rate at all).

Then, and only then, can you get back to work.

The Gods Are Not Post-Truth

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Or, “If Nixon Did It Today, He’d Get Away With It.”

Let’s define terms.

In short, “feels before reals” on a large scale.

As with “On ‘Admitting’“, this post popped into my head when I was doing something else, this time my day job. I received the title and little else, and I started wondering, “Do I know a single soul who would argue that their gods care more about emotional arguments than the facts of the case?” I don’t think I’ve encountered such a thing in my ventures into the Pagan internet. I know of plenty of people who care more about feels than reals, to put it colloquially, but no gods. (Or in one specific case, the words were put into the divine being’s mouth and I’m sure He’s a bit salty about it. I would be if I were used to make a political point I might not agree with, especially without prior consultation.)

Further, I have a Christian friend, and she is liberal-minded but still a Christian. And given my (admittedly limited) understanding of her god, I don’t think He is a “feels before reals” type, either. So, I think it is common of divine beings to say “cut the crap, and get to work”.

Which brings me to, I suppose, a question. Or perhaps just a thought, or observation: humans can operate in a post-truth society, but Gods and other such beings cannot or do not. (The Fae, as a very noteworthy example, cannot or will not lie for unknown reasons.) I’m not sure why this is but I think it has to do with perspective. They can see farther out than we can, and on at least some level see through us (though they very rarely feel the need to, at least, not enough to do it constantly as I was once taught). They know enough to know when we’re lying to ourselves, to others, and to them personally. Therefore they know all the tricks, they can pick them apart with ease, and are quite done with it all.

Plus, it could have to do with perspective in another sense: they understand more of the world than we do and have more concerns than mere humans. The Gods don’t seem to trouble Themselves with the “feels before reals” shenanigans engaged in by petty people trying to make short-lived arguments (I’ve noticed this is something engaged in by people on both sides of the aisle, not exclusive to one group or another, but that doesn’t make a feels before reals position any more valid). They have things that need to get done, and would rather you buckled down and did the work.

Seeking

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A week into a new year, a new decade. The energy had shifted after New Year’s Day, generally speaking, as if now that “the holidays” are over I can focus on something real, dig up a few things that I had otherwise been neglecting in the stress and sense of obligation. I’ve been reading, re-reading, listening. There are new things and old things revisited.

I returned to a particular author’s posts about priesthood, service for the Gods, what it means to be called, and so on. This National Geographic with an article on Boudica that’s been sitting on my floor for ages has finally gotten the front page news read. I listened to a new audiobook on devotional polytheism. And I’m seeking something in the history of the Iceni, in the possible connections between “Andraste” and “Andarta”. I’m not sure what that something is.

“Andraste”/”Andrasta” means “Invincible”, or “Indestructible”. “Andarta” originates in southern Gaul and means “well-fixed, staying firm”. All, of course, traits a good warrior would aspire to in battle. They could be the same Goddess, no one is sure. Nobody wrote anything down and what the Romans wrote is completely biased and almost unreliable because of it (but for the basics and what is backed up by the archaeological record, take everything you read by a Roman “historian” with a grain of salt).

So far this is where my seeking has led me. I’m not sure where it will lead me after this, and I know I’ll never quite be done seeking. That’s how seeking works. But a check in once in a while never hurt anyone.

Additional Reading:

Celtic Festival of Andraste, Andate, Andarta & Brigantia (Brythonic)

On “Admitting”

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I had a dream. Browsing a website for something spiritual or religious (presumably), I noticed one of the tabs was labeled “admitted” (sic), and I knew it meant “people admitted their experiences were real, come read them”. I also knew I had to write about it. I had that feeling within the dream that said “this is important”.

This concept came up in Paganism In Depth: A Polytheist Approach, to which I am currently listening. The recommendation is to experience the experience, and then interpret it later. One must show discernment, of course, and if you find a “rational” explanation you’re happy with, very well, but this isn’t always possible, and for that category, that’s where “admitting” comes in. You have to face that what you saw is what you saw even if you don’t know what it means. (I touch on this sometimes when I think or talk about UFOs: If an object is unidentified, then you can’t well say “I know what I saw,” can you? Except in the broadest possible sense of “I know that I saw it and I can’t explain it”, which is where I slot my own personal experience.)

Paganism in Depth is written by a guy who, among other things, saw a glowing green bird. How the bird got to be glowing, no one seems to know. But he touches briefly and periodically where relevant on the process of accepting the reality of the experience, and dealing with people who try to, helpfully or not, provide rational explanations. Once each is processed and compared with the experience in question, and if you happen to work through all of them, that’s where admitting comes in.

And you have to deal with that.

You saw a thing, or heard a thing, or felt a thing, and you can’t explain it. You have to then figure out what it means, and what you’re supposed to do with it. Do you package it away and eventually forget about it? Does it change your life in some way? Do you regard it as a sign from deity?

I had a dream this morning. On a website for something religious or spiritual, there was a tab called “admitted”. I had to write this post because of it. This is an important concept even if it seems “basic” or “101-level”. Because having an experience you can’t explain and coming to terms with that tells you that the world is bigger than all of that, and somehow it seems like that’s easy for me to accept and way harder for other people. I always felt like the world is “supposed” to be bigger than what other people told me (probably in part because I knew somewhere that my parents were liars and therefore not people to listen to with regard to “the world is like this”). It seems to have come naturally to me. Maybe it was meant to, all things considered. I’m not sure.

I learned this one through my critique partner: Just because it makes sense to me in my head doesn’t mean it always translates.

Starting the Decade – Initial Thoughts

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I’ve been spending the last hours of 2019 and the first hours of 2020 reading, and thinking. I’ve once again returned my attention to the resurgence of the Otherworld, which I started reading about earlier last year and possibly once more before that, but I can’t remember. I’ve been reading about the Fair Folk and the call of the Gods, and thinking about how obligated I’ve felt over the past holiday season to be festive. I want to try to parse this all out.

Obligation

I sensed it for Halloween, feeling obligated to get those lights up and choose a costume and do the other Halloween things. By then I wanted to get to Christmas already, and then I did, eventually. And by then I had worn myself out of Christmas hype. Fighting Command hooks did me no favors there. People kept asking me if I was going to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas with my family and I would have to explain that no, I was cooking for myself. I made too much food, and I had to throw out most of Thanksgiving dinner. Christmas dinner has lasted longer only because part of it is currently being frozen for later. I burned out.

And now I’m sitting at the start of 2020, reading and thinking, and wondering if perhaps I had sensed something else brewing in the coming winter that required, well, a different response than cooking my feelings. I don’t know what that was supposed to be, but as the harshest bits are yet to come, I think I can still figure it out. The Christmas lights, however, are staying on for as long as possible.

The Otherworld Bleeding Through?

I don’t class myself as the most observant person, but across religious lines people I know have sensed a kind of shift in the world. There was a point when climate change was no longer reversible. There was a moment I knew who my gods were (for them both, I want to say around 2012 or 2013). People believed the world would end in 2012 and while there was no apocalypse as we had come to expect thanks to Hollywood, those who can sense have detected, sometimes as early as 2013 but sometimes well into the middle of the decade, a change in the Otherworld. There are theories: some say Gwyn ap Nudd has decided to restore balance by protecting the Forests and the Fae from humanity, the current standing threat to the planet. Some say the gods, in particular the warlike ones, are recruiting. While I would argue Ra is not “warlike” the way bloodthirstier gods are “warlike”, I can tell He would never shy away from conflict, and is much more likely to keep a level head during. Andred is soaked in blood and the Mistress of the Field, which certainly settles that. If they are on their own side or the side of humanity or the side of only some humans or completely against humans entirely, I cannot tell.

Interestingly, however, these gods being fully present in my life has led to some dramatic changes, especially in the past two years. Changes that require me to be on my own and figure myself out. Changes which separate me from poison so I can recover–only a fresh fighter can effectively go into the field. I’ve begun to see myself, and in the process question everything I’ve done up to this point. Maybe I will get to where I want to be, but at this point, looking back, I think I will get to where I need to be, and where I am needed.

The Fair Folk

Periodically I find myself reading articles on these creatures, and how one should always be cautious with them. One writer thinks we will see more of them in the coming decade and beyond, and maybe this is true. Many say spiritualism and interest in magic (even if it is superficial) are on the rise in the general public. The Binding of Trump was for quite a while its own attractor of media attention, and the attention of “spiritual warriors” on the other side of the aisle. Recently, I’ve internally speculated whether some of these workings have sown the seeds for Trump’s impeachment hearings.

I’ve felt for years that but for a few exceptions, most spirits should be approached with caution and honored from a safe distance. That may become impossible, and it may be necessary to renew my extant relationships with some of the spirits I’ve come to know. I am still careful, and I think I will always be so, because I doubt I can be protected from them, even by the Gods. I would never think to ask for such a thing, as it is; my safety with regard to the Fair Folk is my responsibility.

People acting recklessly with the Fae have been compared to people trying to take selfies with elk. Where I’m from, elk, moose, and deer are everywhere, as are wolves, bears, and coyotes. You can find bison in a few hours, as well. Personally I’ve heard of people get gored by bison for their recklessness. One group tried to take in a bison calf in the back of their van because “it looked cold”, and the calf was shunned by its herd. As I know better than to get reckless with wildlife, I know better to get reckless with spirits I’m unfamiliar with. This, of course, is not to compare the Fae and wild animals, as the Fae are sapient through and through, but they have unknown powers and being reckless about that is the same as being reckless with bison or elk, or moose.

Priesthood

This is another thing I periodically find myself reading about. As I am cautious with the Fae, I am also cautious with oaths and vows. I was held to obscene standards as a child, that I either sensed or outright knew never applied to my parents. I was told to be good and behave myself and my own father failed at that so spectacularly he had to serve thirty days in the county jail. I failed to understand how I had to never do anything “bad” but I could be continually picked on by everyone I knew in my age group. Mommie Dearest moved the goalposts of my behavior so often that I could begin to see where she contradicted herself.

It has taken me a long time to accept that the Gods who adopted me are not the same as my physical parents. For one thing, They are patient, and that’s a pretty rare commodity in a modern American society. The one constant is that They are older than all of this and value different things as a result.

But the other matter is, there is a difference between my relationship with Ra and my relationship with Andred. She has specifically asked me to chronicle my experiences with Her and what I learn, and to write down in this blog what I think that means as it pertains to Her pretty much exclusively. I’ve stated elsewhere that Ra periodically gets mentions, however, as I’m His just as much as I’m Hers, but this is about what it means to be Andred’s, to follow Her. I have work to do, in that regard.

I don’t know if this makes me Andred’s priest(ess), but if so I’m the first I know about in roughly 1500 years. Probably 2000. The thought of it is as intimidating as the thought of further interactions with the Fae. It gives a sense of “you need to prepare right away”. I have no idea if these are things I need to prepare for or not, I can’t pick apart exactly what it all means yet. Maybe, by instinct, I have figured out the key to my own survival, but then I would have to reverse engineer it to fully understand.

Conclusion

I’m approaching 2020 once again thinking about the future. An ill advised tactic if you do too much of it, sure, but a part of me knows that I cannot remain in a tenuous present forever. Though I’ve given up on the news and would argue my mental health has benefitted, not even I could ultimately escape the word that Trump’s impeachment was being decided by the House a couple months ago. That still won’t stop climate change, the relentless push of extremism and reactionary extremism, the politicization of everything I could encounter, and once again the growing sense that nothing I could do would be good enough.

So, I surrendered on politics, and I’m not even sure if I will vote this time around. I know it’s my civic duty, but I also feel that my voice doesn’t matter to the wider human-created systems that led to this mess and show no signs of getting us out. I happen to know for a fact that when it comes to certain political sects, my voice doesn’t matter at all regardless of whether I say the right things or not. So I don’t think they deserve my support regardless of if I were involved or not.

I’m not looking forward to this election year, and I’m certainly not looking forward to any of the chicanery surrounding it. Of all the otherworldly events allegedly happening around this, as well, I do not even dread them compared to how much I dread the shrill cries of how racist I am based on my skin tone and refusal to tow a party line. I’ll take a glowing green bird over any of that any day of the week, honestly. Maybe in that case I would begin to sense a glimmer of meaning in my life.

Rabbit Rabbit – Jan 1

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This is the time of year I put everything into the brand new calendar, making sure I have all the dates right and so on. Of course, I’ve since moved on to a type of calendar where most of that is of little issue (bless Llewellyn, for all their faults and even if they will publish anyone). Today is New Year’s Day. Last night, a bunch of people got very drunk and kissed strangers at the stroke of midnight in the name of good luck. This morning, they’re hungover, watching the Rose Parade, and thinking about football. Many people still make resolutions, only to kiss them goodbye come February.

These phenomena have me thinking: maybe a proper “new year” celebration just as the harsh bits of winter set in, is a bad idea. It’s certainly arbitrary, and who knows why January was chosen as opposed to some other date, but from where I stand, I’m seeing forward into a cold, harsh couple of months, and worst case scenario? It won’t let up until June. Were it up to me, I would keep the warm holiday gatherings going for at least a few more weeks, as I see absolutely no reason to cut off the warm fuzzies of “the Christmas season” at 12:01 Dec. 26th. Especially when I’ll want that fireside vibe come February when we start seeing -20 routinely.

Maybe there is a logic behind the Jan. 1 date that I’m missing. Something perhaps to do with the coming cold. I have my doubts, but that isn’t to say a New Year’s date can’t be chosen without a reason. Kemetic New Year, Wep Ronpet, is marked by the heliacal (before the Sun) rising of the star Sirius, which used to coincide with the annual flooding of the Nile River. Fields are flooded, go have a party or go work on the Pharaoh’s new project. Makes sense to me.

I’ve also read that Samhain is “Celtic New Year” on a principle that the day starts at sunset, such as in Jewish tradition and the system known as Byzantine time, and so a new year should start at the beginnings of the darkest part. Also makes a fair bit of sense.

Learning all this has given me a more fluid idea of what “new year” means. I’ve kind of reached the conclusion that it can start at any day you see fit, really. Similar to the saying “Today is the first day of the rest of your life”. But I don’t do that, not in the way that sounds. I take it to mean that if I want to start something, I don’t have to wait for an arbitrary date unless there is a practical concern involved (such as filling in a new calendar).

Rabbit Rabbit – Dec. 1 (Dec. 4)

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The Christmas season is now upon us, and I’ve done something peculiar with it. I know a lot of Pagans choose to eschew Christmas altogether for its religious connotations, choosing Yule or another winter holiday instead. But I’ve decided that if a lot of Christmas symbolism is Yule related, then I can nix any talk of the Nativity without much trouble and throw up the lights, wreaths, and trees, and put on some eggnog or cider and hope February is not abysmally cold. That seems to be about the only thing humans in the northern hemisphere have agreed on, after all: that winter is a bitch and it’s best to hunker down, put on as much food as possible, welcome guests you see out in the cold, and try not to starve to death.

I have generally given Christmas over to Ra as a means of honoring Him and it makes logical sense based on my geographic location. But there is also an element of Andred there. She is not particularly a hearth goddess, but there is something to be said for being home during the winter, for having an “off season” from war. (This was, I should note, a convention historically for quite a long time. Nobody had any mind to go out fighting or raiding or so on after the harvest was over, and that carried over into the customs of war until WWI, if I recall correctly.) And there is definitely that feeling in the air this month and through most of the worst part of winter. You just want to hunker down by the fire with people you like and some hot chocolate, with some nice warm lights up perhaps. It’s a good time, and I don’t see why that should just cut off at the start of a new year (arbitrarily setting the new year in the middle of winter is another matter entirely but we’ll get there).

I look to this season for a sense of warmth and happiness, that home is an OK place to be and not some backdrop for the horrifying nightmare surely brewing. Christmas especially was the time of year my parents didn’t try to kill each other or myself, and even though I was probably the only one that did any decorating nine years out of ten, it was still OK. It was warm and pleasant and that was never a feeling I wanted to lose. In fact I’ve been able to hang onto it more and more after moving into my own place and shifting away from preferring Halloween (although the collection of free candy is pretty sweet, if I’m not too sick and exhausted to go out for it). As the song goes, Oh the weather outside is frightful, but the fire is so delightful.

Rabbit Rabbit (Nov. 4, Good Luck Still?)

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I’ve forgotten this for a few days, sadly, but I have a couple of thoughts, namely on the past month. I haven’t been into Halloween as much this year as I have been in years past, and I have since been unable to determine why. Perhaps I want to just get to Christmas already and feel like my world is happy and warm and content as winter sets in (remarkably early this year. I hear it will be colder than last year, and I’m not looking forward to that). I’ve never been into Thanksgiving, and don’t give it more thought than “I will probably make something nice that day I’m not sure”. It isn’t that I am ungrateful, I am quite grateful, but my mother has always loved Thanksgiving and it has this undertone of “be thankful that I am your mother or you’ll be sorry!” to it. I had Thanksgiving one year with a friend’s family and I was shocked and overcome with how warm and inviting the atmosphere was. It felt as though this whole huge family was there just to be there, and I loved it so much. My own family never felt like that, and I don’t remember it from holiday dinners with my mother’s family. That is, however, the feeling I receive from my gods. So, I will cook something nice this year, and share it with Them, because I love Them.

The second thought is, I saw a post (https://riley-poole27.tumblr.com/post/188823229297/hypervigil-theyve-always-said-when-you-feel-a) which suggested that not a person, but a rabbit, crossing your future grave caused a shiver down the spine. I had always heard otherwise, but this gives me some life and hope. I hope Andred’s creatures have found a nice spot for me. I wonder if I will find it before I die. I wonder if such a thing can be divined. Probably.

I think, in aggregate, I am moving away from celebrating any warped concept of “family” I developed growing up, and into celebrating my gods (and with my gods). Feeling Their energy and reveling in it and believing that the world is right. It’s certainly better than allowing my parents to live in my head without paying the rent or utilities.

Rabbit Rabbit – Oct. 1

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I have dreams about her now. It didn’t happen before I stopped talking to her, but it’s happened since. Three times, in fact. The first, I dreamed that she was trying to take credit for my achievements and claim that I almost cost her money by switching majors in college. I yelled at her to go fuck herself. The second, I barely remember, but I think it may have involved an assault. The third time, last night, I dreamed that she repeatedly broke into my apartment, spread lies of me to my neighbors, and then assaulted me, forcing me to kill her in self defense.

They say dreams can be interpreted as divine messages from the gods, or more modernly, as something in your brain trickling through the process. Peanuts being percolated, if you will. I’m worried about what these dreams mean, and I have no good guesses. I know of stories online told by people who dreamed of their abusive parents, a trend which decreased when they severed ties. I’ve followed the opposite trend.

I try to think that I’ve moved on, the way my dad claims she has, even though she’s been harassing my therapist and my employer in an effort to resume contact with me. I probably wouldn’t give that day a second thought if they did not keep reminding me of it. So, who is really “over it”?